Monday Monday

I'm not usually a fan of Monday (insert lame Garfield joke here) but I have to say I'm glad it's a new week. The past week has been surreal, I had too much going on, spent too much time online and watched too much TV about Michael Jackson.. which means I didn't get enough done. But a new week is a new start and another chance to work on the never ending to-do list that is running your own shop.

Randy is moving in on the weekend of the 11th/12th and I am excited! I'm also going to be very busy over the next two weeks cleaning out the storage closet (groan) so that there's room for all his stuff. I'm pretty sure that after a couple months in the teeny tiny basement apartment we'll want to move but we're going to try it first. It's nice and quiet here and better the devil you know, right?

My shop needs some new stock but I've been busy working on wholesale and custom orders. They are my priority and actually I like them the best. It's very satisfying to complete a large order and I find the work relaxing. I really love to sew but I find the actual shop keeping kind of daunting, the photo editing and writing listings can be really difficult. I'm currently working on a 400 piece wholesale order which is going to take up the majority of my summer but I'm going to try to put up a few new purses and totes and of course keep my card cases well stocked up.

I'm offering a special deal for anyone interested in a bulk order of cases, buy any 20 cases for $50. I've also got a 3/$10 offer in my shop. You can find more info here.

Boo, Forever

Yesterday @sleepingpoet asked what our favourite poem was, which was a nice diversion from the media madness that is Michael Jackson. I have three poems that are dear to my heart for three different reasons but my absolute favourite is Boo, Forever by Richard Brautigan. It is short and sweet and the first time I read it it took my breath away.



Boo, Forever
by Richard Brautigan

Spinning like a ghost
on the bottom of a
top,
I'm haunted by all
the space that I
will live without
you.

I love poetry and writing, maybe not the way I did when I was younger, when I dreamed of being an english major. (Something I'm glad I didn't do now since I'd be in the exact same situation minus $20k or so...) I logged in to an old old forum where I used to post, many lives ago, and found some of my own poems this morning. It's kind of amazing to me to read these words now and realize that I put them together. I always wanted to make a chapbook, maybe I should.

once swaying, she says no more,
can't find a voice of reason in the
broken floral dishes that
line the dirty floor, and

ohlove, how you did once,
those lace covered legs danced around me
so beautifully, grass stained
to fall on bended knee,
pointing straight to heaven
singing stars for me, and

ohlove, this other side of lonely
is starting to fade, to cave
in on me.
- 2003 (for my grandmother, who had died of cancer that winter.)

There is more here, if you're curious too.

If you are poetry inclined please share you favourites (yours or others) in the comments, I would love to read them.

Third Time Is The Charm.

Hello again blog world.. I've decided to make another attempt at regular blogging. I used to be quite the avid blogged back in the day (when my life was more.. exciting) but had since found myself with little to say. Who wants to read about an agoraphobic girl and her cat? I've noticed a big increase in my tweeting though so I think I'm finally feeling like talking again. Being quiet for too long isn't good.

I've wanted to blog for a while now but wasn't sure what theme to take on, if it should have some kind of greater purpose, like featuring indie sellers or fashion or gluten free cooking or if it should just be a personal blog with a bit of everything. I've decided not to have a theme because I have a lot of different things to talk about - agoraphobic, celiac disease, sewing, starting my life with Randy, etc. The emphasis in my life is on self improvement and finding happiness and that's what I'm going to share.

There's lots of exciting things happening this year - I'm 30 now and I love it. LOVE it. Everything has finally come together for me. I struggled for years with anxiety and depression, stomach issues and agoraphobia. It's been very difficult. It wasn't just an issue of facing my fears and desensitizing myself to panic attacks, I had chronic stomach issues that triggered the panic and I knew if I could figure out what was making me sick I could finally find the end of the cycle I was stuck in. It took 15 years (I had a housebound period for about 6 of those 15) but finally I've been diagnosed properly with celiac disease and after two months on my gluten free diet I can go to more places than I have in years. (Can you believe there was a time not too long ago when I couldn't go into the fabric store? Sadness!) Every day is a challenge, and I don't want to fall back into old habits and become complacent with just getting by so this is my promise to myself, that I will keep trying until I reach my goal of being free of agoraphobia, getting my drivers license and living a "normal" life.

I'm getting ready for another big change too, Randy is moving in with me in three weeks. This will be the third time (the charm, we hope) and will signify the start of our "adult" life. (Better late than never..) We were waiting for him to graduate school and he has and is now working downtown at an architectural firm. We were going to get married but I think we're just going to sign the common law papers for now. You can file for common law status in Manitoba and you then have the same rights as a married couple, can change your last name, etc. One of the reasons is that I don't feel ready for a wedding - not a marriage, I feel totally ready to be married to Randy - but I have a lot of anxiety about having a wedding ceremony. It's silly I know but the thought of having a panic attack during my wedding makes me sad.

It's nice to be honest with myself, for once. I'm happy to be writing again, more for myself than an audience but it's always nice to find kindred spirits who are living through the same situations. It makes this life a lot more enjoyable, and that's the one thing my life has been missing.