Thursday, July 23, 2009

In Which My Life Takes a Giant Leap

Tomorrow it will have been two weeks since Randy and I moved in together. The first week was pretty awesome because Randy was on holidays and we spent most of our time together having fun, staying up late, watching movies, eating ice cream, playing video games in our pajamas. It was basically like a glorified slumber party.

This week has been a little less fun and a lot more reality. We get up at 6:30 and I make Randy a lunch to take to work while our tea is steeping and he gets dressed in shirts and ties. He looks so much older to me these days but then again so do I. He kisses me goodbye and takes his lunch and goes to work and I close the door and am alone. I've wanted to spent my days working on Oh So Retro but so far that hasn't happened yet. This week has been all about getting organized, hopefully next week will be all about settling into routine.

Yesterday was my last day on Disability. I've received it since 2002. I used to work in an office as a bookkeeper, this is what I did after school. I loved my job and I loved the people I worked with and I loved the math and the office supplies and the business casual clothing. I had to quit my job after two years when my anxiety and depression took over my life. I was young and immature and I didn't know what I was going to do and at that point I didn't care. I moved back into my parents basement and slept through my early 20s. My family refers to this time as when I was "sick" - it's not like I had cancer or anything life threatening but I'm still surprised I survived.

I was approved for Disability after my doctor recommended I move out of my parents house. I knew I had to go but didn't know how I'd get out, at this point I could barely walk around the block. Actually I probably couldn't even do that. So I moved out with one roommate and that didn't work so I tried another and that worked out really well. Randy was a friend of a friend who also had a bad roommate and needed to move so we met and rented a little house and lived together for a year. We started dating and he moved out because it's really not realistic to live with someone you've just started dating. Especially when you're mentally ill and he's only 21. It was a bad scene.

To make a long blog entry short, I lived on my own thanks to Disability, and was on a work program which allowed me to supplement my income with Oh So Retro. I got better with a fantastic therapist, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, medication, exercise, diet, perseverance, support, love. I still have a hard time with agoraphobia and I can't work but my depression and mania are totally under control. I am happy.

I no longer qualify for Disability because according to the Manitoba government Randy and I are considered common law. I'm well enough to be in a stable, functional relationship with someone who loves me enough that they are willing to get up every morning and go to work to support me. This amazes me. I would love to be getting up every day and going to work again, and in a way I am, but for now this is good. This is why I get up and make his lunch at 6:30 in the morning, because while some girlfriends would never do that, it's a small sacrifice I can make for someone who has given me so much.


SugarCain said...

You've put so much detail into these few paragraphs. Good luck with your giant leap.

ebbandflo said...

Good luck and hugs for your giant leap - it sounds fabulous, exciting, nerve-wracking and amazing.
PS: my OhSoRetro bag is escaping with me to Scotland for the rest of the summer where I shall transport my portable crafting projects with pride
PPS: keep on tweeting and blogging, I love reading what you say!

Princess of the Universe said...

This is a very inspiring story - best of luck on the next steps :)

kjbeads said...

You've come so far and though you still have a way to go, you can take pride in your progress and joy in having found such a loving person to share with.
Don't let the schedule thing bother you. It sometimes takes weeks (or more) to get to that thing you think is so close and life gets in the way. It will happen, and when it does, you will be so appreciative of the time.

mchen said...

I knew I already liked you, just from our twittering. Now I REALLY like you. Thank you for sharing this with us — it's tough, real, sad and happy. You've made huge leaps and bounds, and it sounds like you've found a true partner.

The working-at-home is tough sometimes, but also the most rewarding work you'll ever do when you put your nose to the grindstone.

I'm sending you a big e-bearhug.

QuirkyDolls said...

I feel a little of your struggle. I have depression which is managed pretty well but I do have slumps. Thank God for Randy and the best of luck to both of you.

Adrienne said...

Thank you so much to everyone who commented here & on twitter too! It really, really means a lot to me.

I will keep blogging, I promise! Thanks for the inspiration. :)

- Adrienne