I've been having a hard time finding the motivation to do much of anything these days. I've always been a procrastinator and I think I'm also a bit of a perfectionist, which is a fatal combination because it's so easy to talk myself out of doing anything.
I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday while reading a blog written by a really lovely girl. I realized I was getting angry and this stream of negative thoughts was flowing through my head. I was so jealous of this persons goals and achievements, her photographs and writing and sewing. Someone was sharing their passion through their blog and here I was seething.
It shocked me to tune into my train of thought and hear myself. Why do I feel this way? It's so unhealthy! I never want to be jealous of another woman's success. I want to be celebrating along with her and feel genuinely happy. She works hard for the life she has. She deserves respect.
I realized that I need to focus on myself, or maybe not focus so much on myself. I need to stop measuring myself up to others and quit trying to achieve some kind of magical ideal that really doesn't exist. I expect instant results with minimal effort but life doesn't work that way.
I was thinking of what I can do, how I can go about organizing my life because that's really what I need right now - some direction. I remembered this website I used back when I was quitting smoking called 43 Things. I decided to dust off my account and will be updating it with my new, improved goals for my 30s.. it should be an interesting journey.
What do you want to do with your life?